Chatzy
by sarabrowncolorado
Summary: Blair and Dan visit a Chat Room dedicated to DAIR. Won't make much sense unless you have been there. If anyone was left off, it was NOT on purpose.  Characters are not mine
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay. This is a total silly, ridiculous piece based on a late night chat with some really great people. It's Dan and Blair entering a Chat room dedicated to DAIR. It goes a little Meta and has them looking at themselves on the show….it's complicated. I wrote it for my great friends at Chatzy and included many of them in it. I hope they are all okay with that.

A/N: This was written with GREAT amounts of love for each and every person listed here. Please know it's all in love and humor. And I hope you like it.

Chatzy

**DARE TO DAIR**

**B. Waldorf** joined the chat.

**DOT: **Hi!

**cocoagua(grace): **Hello.

**IvoryKeys09: **Good Morning (or night)

**Val: **Hi B!

**deb- j emmerde sarko: **B. Waldorf? Are you….

**kay (russianroulette): **As in…Blair Waldorf?

**B. Waldorf**: Yes. As in Blair Waldorf.

**Manu:** Oh My GOD.

**Lee Cohen Badgley:** Blair Waldorf is in here? RAIZA! Blair Waldorf is in here!

**B. Waldorf:** Dan?

**D. Humphrey joined the chat.**

**D. Humphrey:** I'm here.

**B. Waldorf:** Took you long enough. But really, what can you expect from the internet connection at a loft in Brooklyn.

**D. Humphrey**: Very little I would imagine.

**Ellie**: .

**B. Waldorf:** What is this place?

**D. Humphrey:** A chat room.

**B. Waldorf:** Yes. But, Dare to Dair?

**D. Humphrey:** They are fans, of ours.

**B. Waldorf:** Ours?

**D. Humphrey:** They want us to get together. Romantically.

**B. Waldorf**: But I'm engaged.

**D. Humphrey:** Yeah, they don't seem to care.

**Raiza**: OMG! OMG! BLAIR WALDORF IS HERE! LEE! BLAIR WALDORF IS HERE! BLAIR-MARRY ME?

**YouDefineBeauty:** Lol. Raiza.

**D. Humphrey:** Don't worry. She asks everyone.

**Lint**: She does.

**Raiza name changed to RAIZA WALDORF**

**B. Waldorf:** That's a little…weird…right?

**D. Humphrey:** Nah. They all seem to be okay with it.

**B. Waldorf:** Okay. I guess I do like the idea of somebody taking MY name.

**D. Humphrey:** Of course you do.

**RAIZA WALDORF:** Oh my GOD! Blair Waldorf likes the idea of me taking her name! Hold on. I'm going to die now.

**Iv joined the chat.**

**Mimi:** IV!

**Sarabrowncolorado:** I love your shirt!

**Iv:** Thanks. What's going on in here?

**Mimi:** Iv-Blair and Dan are in here.

**Iv:** Oh wow! Welcome! We LOVE you two.

**Roch:** We do!

**Alluringcliche:** ADORE you!

**Oleanderinmysky**: It's scary really.

**B. Waldorf:** Thank you, I think.

**D. Humphrey:** Wow.

**Nanda:** You have quite the fanbase, you know.

**Ellie**: .

**B. Waldorf**: We have fans?

**D. Humphrey:** The smartest fans of the show.

**B. Waldorf**: Of course you think they are smart, Humphrey. They chose you over Louis and Chuck.

**D. Humphrey:** And they think you will too.

**B. Waldorf:** I don't know. Have they seen the show?

**D. Humphrey:** Many times. Many, many, MANY times.

**Ellie:** SARA! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME? YOU ARE DEAD TO ME SARA! DEAD!

**Sarabrowncolorado:** (hiding from Ellie)

**Lee Cohen Badgley:** Ellie-it will be okay. I felt the same way.

**B. Waldorf:** What was that about?

**D. Humphrey:** She's reading this fan fic about us…and it's upsetting.

**B. Waldorf:** Oh. I see. What's so upsetting?

**D. Humphrey:** I don't know. I think the author is making us fight.

**B. Waldorf:** But we fight all the time.

**D. Humphrey**: Yeah. But we're married in this one and it's not the good kind of fight.

**B. Waldorf**: Married! But I'm engaged to the Prince.

**D. Humphrey**: Yeah. They don't care. I told you that. You should see some of the other stuff out there.

**B. Waldorf**: Like what?

**D. Humphrey**: Well. They put us together a lot. Casually, seriously. Sometimes just for one night…sometimes we're married with kids.

**B. Waldorf:** Kids?

**D. Humphrey:** Twins usually. You want to name them Audrey a lot.

**B. Waldorf:** I would never do that.

**D. Humphrey:** I know. One guy named them Dorothy and Alice.

**B. Waldorf:** I like Alice.

**B. Waldorf**: Wait. There's a guy in here?

**D. Humphrey**: Yes. There are three of us. That I know of.

**Lint:** Guy.

**Panka:** Me too.

**B. Waldorf**: Wow. I'm surprised. It seems like such a girl show.

**D. Humphrey:** Well, they are enlightened I suppose. And they are well loved in here.

**Closet has joined the chat**.

**Manu:** CLOSET!

**Lee Cohen Badgley**: Hi Closet.

**IvoryKeys09:** Hi Closet.

**Closet:** Hi!

**Youdefinebeauty**: Closet, Blair and Dan are in here.

**Closet:** Hi!

**B. Waldorf:** What kind of name is closest?

**D. Humphrey:** She is…in the closet about being a fan of ours.

**B. Waldorf**: Why is that exactly?

**D. Humphrey:** I think she liked you with Chuck at first and is slowly beginning to like you with…well, me.

**B. Waldorf**: Oh. You.

**D. Humphrey**: Me.

**B. Waldorf**: Do you think that the writers are really ever going to go there?

**D. Humphrey:** You and me?

**B. Waldorf:** Yes. Think they will ever actually put us together?

**D. Humphrey:** I don't know. I have lost some faith in them lately.

**B. Waldorf:** YOU? Did you SEE me at that Bar Mitzvah? I mean. What in the hell was that?

**D. Humphrey:** Yeah, I don't know. You were happy to be alive, happy to have escaped.

**B. Waldorf:** ESCAPED? Escaped that dull, lifeless, moronic story line about Bass Industries, you mean? God. I wish they would pull it together.

**D. Humphrey:** Come on. They aren't all that bad.

**B. Waldorf:** No?

**D. Humphrey:** Well, they did have enough thought to leave you and I alone in the city over Christmas.

**B. Waldorf**: Yes. I suppose they did.

**D. Humphrey:** And working together at W.

**B. Waldorf:** True.

**D. Humphrey:** And honestly, I sound smarter when I'm with you.

**B. Waldorf:** And I smile more when I'm with you.

**OCE:** {WEB LINK HERE}

**D. Humphrey:** Don't read that if you don't want to know what happens to us next.

**B. Waldorf:** Maybe I do want to know.

**D. Humphrey:** I don't think it's pretty.

**B. Waldorf**: It can't be worse than that time they left us frozen in a kiss for six weeks only to have me completely lose my mind.

**D. Humphrey:** I don't know. There is talk of you being pregnant.

**B. Waldorf:** WHAT? Why is it always ME who is pregnant? Do they not know how smart I am? What a planner I am? How careful I am? What would make anyone believe that I would be accidentally pregnant TWICE on this show?

**D. Humphrey**: I know. I know. I'm on your side with this.

**B. Waldorf:** I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it through this season.

**D. Humphrey:** You will. I will. We will. We all will.

**B. Waldorf**: But what if it's a disaster? What if I'm pregnant? What if they put me back together with HIM again?

**D. Humphrey:** Well, there's always fan fiction.

**B. Waldorf:** Where we're married with twins?

**D. Humphrey:** Sometimes. But sometimes we're doing other things.

**B. Waldorf:** Like?

**D. Humphrey:** Well. In one story we meet up after some time in Paris. We start dating, get married and eventually move back to the city. I am a writer and you are a photographer. It's really well written.

**B. Waldorf:** That sounds interesting. Are we happy?

**D. Humphrey:** We're always happy in here. Well, almost always. Sometimes they do mean things to us. But they always pull us back together.

**B. Waldorf:** What else happens?

**D. Humphrey:** There is this one that is a mystery…where we don't know who the mother of my daughter is.

**B. Waldorf:** Only YOU would have a problem figuring out who the MOTHER of your child is.

**D. Humphrey:** I know who the mother is. The readers don't. Or they didn't for a long time.

**B. Waldorf**: So. Who is the mother?

**D. Humphrey:** You.

**B. Waldorf:** Oh.

**D. Humphrey:** And there's this really great one. It's short and simple and in the end we're getting married on your father's yacht off the coast of Capri.

**B. Waldorf:** Oh….I like that sound of that.

**D. Humphrey:** You do?

**B. Waldorf:** The coast of Capri part.

**D. Humphrey:** Oh. I see.

**B. Waldorf:** I don't know. You and me? It seems so complicated, so impossible.

**D. Humphrey:** I know it does. But…stranger things have happened.

**B. Waldorf**: I suppose.

**D. Humphrey:** Come on Waldorf, let's get out of this chat room and go have coffee.

**Megan**: You mean the stuff you pay for before you go have sex? Right Blair?

**Sarabrowncolorado:** Megan: Nice. {insert Penn Badgley from Forever Strong Photo HERE}

**Megan:** Slam her Dan!

**D. Humphrey:** Don't mind them. They drink wine and get a little frisky.

**B. Waldorf:** With us?

**D. Humphrey:** Kind of. Come on. Let's go.

**B. Waldorf:** I'll meet you in fifteen Humphrey.

**D. Humphrey:** At our place?

**B. Waldorf:** Yes. And Dan…

**D. Humphrey:** Yes?

**B. Waldorf:** Good luck this season.

**D. Humphrey:** Thanks. I think I'm going to really need it.

**B. Waldorf:** Me too.

**D. Humphrey:** Don't worry Waldorf. When I make up my mind about something, I'm not easily swayed.

**B. Waldorf:** Good to know. See you soon?

**D. Humphrey:** Yeah. Oh! And remind me to tell you about a little something I read that has you and me and Nate as Crime Fighting Detectives. Rufus is always drinking appletinis and Chuck has a monkey.

**B. Waldorf:** A monkey? Who would let that man have a pet? Sounds weird.

**D. Humphrey:** It really is. But it's hilarious.

**B. Waldorf: **See you soon.

**D. Humphrey: **Bye everyone! Wish me luck!

**D. Humphrey and B. Waldorf have left the chat.**

The End


	2. Deleting Story

Public Service Announcement

I am going to delete my stories from this website in the next two weeks. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, I don't know that I'm ever going to finish it. And I hate that it's sitting there in progress. So I'm going to take it down and keep it. If I ever finish, I will bring it back. Second, I am preparing to "publish" a book in e-reader format at the end of the summer and would like to eliminate all "issues" with any other stories I have before that happens.

If you have any questions or need anything, my email is

(sarabrowncolorado) and I can be found ( ) (yahoo).

Thank you all so much for reading my work. Thank you for all of the wonderful messages you've sent or reviews…thank you for telling your friends to read, for laughing and crying and for all of the friendships and contacts that were developed here.

You're amazing and I wish you the best.

Jo (sarabrowncolorado)


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